Crashing Difference
by Heather Giesbrecht
Summary: Neo and Smith think each other dead , not knowing the other lives. When the difference is made what are the ripple effects ? This is the aftermath of Difference. 11th chapter- Guilt posted.
1. I wish

_Author's Note: _Prelude to the rest of **Crashing Difference**.

Neo and Smith think each other dead , not knowing the other lives.

This is the aftermath of **Difference**.

* * *

**I Wish**

I wish I had never died. I wish I could have seen you before I died and came back.  
You didn't come back to me. I miss you , I always miss you though I never truly had you.  
I dream all the time of what that could have been like.

How I love you even though your dead. Even though you never had me.  
Though I never had you , I wish that I had never left.  
That I never left that place.

* * *

Your in that place , in that beautiful , wonderful place without me.  
If only I had chosen to stay , we could have been US.  
Instead of you and me , but you are dead and I am not.  
That I should have stayed there.

How I miss you , my Love you had the most beautiful eyes.  
I wish I wasn't going crazy without you.  
I wish I could see you , if only for a second.  
I wish that this wasn't a dream.

* * *

I , how I wish you were here with me.

Oh my Love , how I should never have left.


	2. Distracted

_Authors' _Note: Please review.

* * *

**Distracted**

Rolling over Neo closed his eyes , wishing the pain away.  
How he wished now that he had stayed in that place.  
In that Heaven over six months ago.

_'At least Smith would be there. I wouldn't have to deal with things that COULD have been._  
_Damn the dreams , I wish I could die but I won't. I couldn't ._  
_Oh , Smith why did you do that when you knew what they'd do to you._  
_Sure I would've been dead , but you'd still be 'alive' if that's the word.'_

* * *

I wish I could go back to sleep , but I didn't want to dream again.  
A knock on my door before Apoc walks in , standing over my bed. "Neo , Niobe's having trouble with Agents again. "

I wish I didn't have to be the One , that I didn't have to be ... alone.  
I got up and walked out , the Agents had gotten stronger since Smith had helped me escape from the other Agents. Since Jones had first killed me and I had come back from that place as the One.  
Since the System had deleted Smith with that Virus , for falling in love with me.  
For going Rogue without being deleted.

_'Its the System's fault. They got Cypher to betray Morpheus , to kill Mouse , kill you and then they deleted Smith. This is all their fault , of course if the System hadn't existed Smith wouldn't have existed in the first place.'_

* * *

Morpheus looks up at me from the Matrix feed , wincing slightly as his shoulder pulled stiffly.  
He hadn't and most likely wouldn't ever recover in the Real World.  
In the Matrix it didn't matter , he was still one of the best Rebels and leaders.  
" It'll be alright , Neo . I know it will be. "

I smiled slightly , not really feeling it.  
Focusing , very distractedly on finding Niobe when I got into the Matrix .  
I walked along , staring behind my shades at every brown haired , blue eyed man that passed.  
None of them the Program I had fallen in love with , some incredibly painfully similar but not the same.  
It was still distracting all the same , comparing them to **him**.

_'Height too short , eye colour too dark , or the hair was too long._  
_Where is she ? Tank said she'd be here , around here._  
_Niobe should be here somewhere , close by at least. Is that a fight ?'_

* * *

I walked into the alley , Niobe in her red duster dodging one of the Agents punches.  
Thank god these ones had black-hair instead of brown.  
I growled and threw the second shortest one into the wall , it cracked on impact.  
I rained punches and kicks on him before grabbing him and throwing him again.  
The Agent hits both of the others , I couldn't help imagining a bowling effect as they went down.  
_'Am I going crazy ? That I'm imagining things like this. Well , your not sleeping much so there's that.'_

The other two Agents getting up, moving to attack me. An image of Jones in my mind , walking to 'kill' Smith. Suddenly angry I blocked the attacks , countering them seconds after and in a less than a minute the last two were flickering blue lights.

* * *

Niobe says " Thank- You, Neo. I'm sorry , I wish I knew why I'm always getting attacked these days."

Now I actually did smile , I liked Niobe she actually meant what she said about being grateful.  
She didn't talk about me behind my back , like how most of the others speculated about Apoc and I.  
The other Rebels didn't really **know **about Smith , they knew he'd helped me and had felt things he shouldn't have.  
But they didn't know that I had loved him , did still love him or that he had loved me back.

"Don't worry about it , Niobe. I'm always happy to help you. Your not like some of the other Captains."  
Niobe was one of the few Rebels outside the Neb that knew.  
Niobe and I walked out of the alleyway it was getting dark now. I stopped in surprise.

* * *

_'Was that ? Was that... no , no it couldn't be. Smith is dead , your imagining things.'_

For a second , silhouetted against the far alley was Smith then it was gone.  
The right build , the right hair length.  
But there wasn't any earpiece and the suit was black instead of green.  
The illusion of my Love - why couldn't it be real.  
_' It can't be him , you are going crazy Neo. He's dead and he's not coming back.  
He wouldn't have left you by yourself if he knew what your going through.  
If he knew how much pain your in, so it CAN'T be Smith. '_

* * *

Still , even though I was probably wrong , I felt tears in my eyes behind the shades.  
I didn't need them and they didn't change the light, so I knew I could trust them.  
I was now even more sure than six months ago that I was a joke to the Matrix and life.

Niobe asks " Neo?. What's wrong ? "

I replied " I almost , almost thought I saw... something. It , it was probably nothing. Definitely nothing."

I could tell Niobe didn't buy it , but I was glad she didn't push it. I didn't think I could talk.


	3. Regret

**Regret**

I turned and ran from the alley.  
Regretting the memory of black-hair and pale skin , covered in blood flashing in my mind.  
_'Smith your an idiot. That wasn't Neo , just another ghost. You can't trust yourself.'_

He had been having ... visions , dreams of what 'life and love' could have been like if Jones hadn't killed Neo.

_'I wish I could find that , that I don't know what he is. If I find him I'm not letting him get away._  
_I couldn't protect Neo , I let Jones shoot him. I should have stopped him instead of staring in shock._  
_I knew he was wounded , I helped make most of those wounds. Damn it, I'm sorry Love.'_

* * *

I went to an old Hotel I had taken over , the copies I had at first unintentionally made looking at me.  
That vision of my Neo , pretty and alive was far too much to handle.  
How could he be alive when I had helped to kill him ?  
_' Why couldn't I have told you in Laffayette ?'_

A memory of one of the last times I saw Neo alive , flashing through my mind.

**Memory**

I had helped get him out of the room a few minutes earlier.  
He had 'said' that he loved me , since his vocal cords hadn't worked .

The black hair falling over his forehead , pushed down against pale skin by sweat.  
Dark eyes nearly as vulnerable as the first time I'd seen him, but even more beautiful.  
The black-buttoned dress shirt and pants clinging from the sweat as well.  
That had looked nice , very nice actually.

For some reason I'd wanted to see what kissing him would feel like.  
Since I'd thought about it so much , and pushed him against the wall.  
He had blinked in surprise , before I had kissed him and he had closed his eyes.  
Long, dark eyelashes fluttering open when I had stopped , pleasure in his eyes.

**End Memory**

* * *

How beautiful Neo had looked , had always looked.

_'That couldn't have been Neo. _  
_Neo's hair was never long enough to go past his ears , much less to his chin._  
_But you couldn't see his eyes and ran away before you could ask. Coward._  
_Thats' what you are a coward. That Vampire was right.'_

NO that Vampire was wrong , Neo is dead. That Vampire was just how would Neo say 'messing ' with me.  
Making it seem as if Neo was still alive , he wanted to go and destroy the Vampire again.  
Destroy it , destroy everything. Every single thing that dared to breathe , that seemed to breathe.

I had never meant to change that Vampire into my first copy , he had gotten me so irrational I had just re-acted. Like when I had allowed Jones to kill Neo , that Vampires taunting words.

* * *

**Memory**

" What your not looking after your little boyfriend? You can't even protect him.  
Your weak , your pathetic and a coward. Here I thought you'd have killed me by now. "

I had gotten so angry that I had seen the Matrix start to glitch around me.  
I had only wanted to punch the Vampire , but my hand had gone into the Vampire.  
Shocked I had watched my own corrupted code overwrite the Vampire.

Then I had been staring at a copy of myself.

**End Memory**

* * *

I had started taking over the Matrix that way , spreading myself slowly still unnoticed by the System.  
That was how I wanted it , I wanted it to be a surprise when I finally destroyed the Damned System.  
Kill it , destroy it , rip it into as many pieces' as possible.

But , if I had never separated Neo from the group , if I hadn't chased him down to see if he was still alive.  
Neo might still be alive now , but I would still be an Agent and I would never have told him.  
Not that it had helped , at least I had told him even if he never heard me.

* * *

_'Oh, Neo. I miss you , I think I'm going crazy without you.'_


	4. Hope

**Hope**

Neo resisted the urge to glare , as he and Apoc walked through Zion.  
Once again the people were whispering about them.  
The words hissing in the crowded , dirty streets.  
Not just about he and Apoc , but Trinity and Switch how we were always together.

_'This is old. I wish I could stop those stupid rumors._  
_I've never wanted Apoc and I never will. I want Smith._  
_I wonder what happened to Smith's body? It didn't disappear like a normal Agents.'_

* * *

He looked around scanning the people for anyone willing to attack them.  
I can't believe after everything I've done for them these past months, this is how they treat me.  
Like an outcast , just because of something that they **only suspect** is true.  
I don't want to know what it'd be like if they found out I really am gay.

I ran a hand thru my hair , thinking of a few days ago.  
That illusion of Smith , how I had wondered and almost dismissed it.  
I couldn't dismiss it completely, even though I was almost sure he was gone.  
Programs did have ways of sneaking back in , but I didn't know if Smith...  
he had been one of the older programs .

_'Maybe he could have ... have found a way. Maybe there could be hope yet._  
_Or not , who knows. Just __**hope**__ for while longer yet. _  
_That those ice-blue eyes could show up for real , not just an illusion.'_

* * *

"Alright , Neo ? " My Captain's voice startling me.  
When had Morpheus shown up ? , he smiles again.  
It was almost creepy , how many times he smiled lately.  
And how many times he asked if I was alright.  
I was so used to everyone being serious all the time.

"I'm fine , Morpheus. Please stop asking me that every few seconds."

"Okay. " He looked concerned , but he didn't say anything else.  
Morpheus glared as a few guys started towards us.

_' Don't I do enough fighting in the Matrix for everybody ?_  
_Why can't I have a moments' peace in Zion ?_  
_If its not fighting , its wishing I had stayed dead.'_

* * *

Surprised when a few people moved in front of and around us.  
A man dropping back to look at me.

He had light brown hair and skin with cold dark grey eyes , he smiles.  
A light voice as he says :

" I'm Lupa , I know about you Neo.  
Doesn't matter what they think , I'll help anyway.  
You've done so much for us. "

Neo laughed , feeling slightly nervous for some reason.  
Lupa , that meant Wolf. He'd make a good wolf on looks alone.

"Thanks , Lupa. I'm really getting tired of being threatened most days.  
Especially here , its supposed to be safe . Yet it isn't safe for everyone."

" It's okay , Neo . You'd think as the One they'd be smart enough to know we need you.  
They don't realise we'd probably all be dead without you by now , idiots. "

* * *

I couldn't help wondering if Smith would have said the same.

_'He would have put it better._  
_If Smith didn't find a way , could I ... No ,no not yet. I still love him. _  
_I still love those beautiful blue eyes, the humor I barely had time to see._  
_I shouldn't have left . But I did and now I can't give up hope ._  
_I hope , I hope my love is 'alive' somehow. '_


	5. Jealous

_Authors' Note:_Many Thanks to_ kayuuka yayoi_

* * *

**Jealous**

Smith glared at the Rebel who had just insulted him.  
"If you feel like being unappreciative perhaps I should just kill you. "

The Rebel had short brown hair and blue eyes along with a disposition towards ingratitude.  
I had just saved him from the Upgrades ,_'You would think saving his life would be worth something.  
But perhaps his death could mean more , get into the Real World destroy the Machines from within and without.'_

He pushes away from me and I let him run , moving after him faster than the Agents I had saved him from.  
Jumping over many roofs and into the room he was in , the phone was ringing , he was going to get out.  
_'Not if I have anything to say about it. '_

* * *

I dodged the bullet he fired at me , lunging in and throwing the gun away.  
Pinning him to the wall like I had Apoc after the SWAT Captain had shot Neo.

"Where's Neo when you want him ? Damn it."

_'The Vampire and now this stupid Rebel too. He is more believable._  
_Could Neo really have come back ? Like I hoped he would ._  
_IF it is true , can I hope ?. '_

* * *

"What do you mean 'Where's Neo ' ? "

"Are you stupid ? How can you not know who Neo is ? "  
I growled and moved my hand up to his neck , throwing him into the corner of the room.

" Mind I will kill you anyway but if you would stop insulting me it would be easier for you.  
I know who Neo is , but I heard he was dead that one of the old Agents killed him. "

"That was over six months ago. Somehow Neo came back.  
He's been deleting the new Agents and freeing more people than I've seen in a while.  
Zion'd be dead now if not for him. "

_'He's alive? Well, I'll just have to go see my Love for myself. Good-bye Rebel and hello me. '_

I smiled at my newest copy , straightening his appearance out.

The phone was still ringing , "We have to look our best for him. "

"Of Course , we will manage it. "

Answering the phone , everything swirled out in potential hope.

* * *

Taking that first _meaningful _breath and realising if it was true I could find Neo .

_' I can make sure he is alright. But, but he will not know its me._  
_I'll have to start all over again , do it better this time._  
_Just he and I , actually getting to know each other.'_

" Bane are you alright ? Your screen went funny. "

Somehow I knew Bane was my new body's name and looking at the man above me.  
His name was Malachi , as he unplugged my new body I pushed myself up.

"Y-yes, I am fine. Perfectly fine. That man , I don't know who that was.  
He mentioned something about Neo , where is he ? "

Malachi snorts "He's still in love with Neo , Bane's fine.  
You want to check on the pretty boy , go check the Feed.  
He's still running around with Apoc and that Lupe , like over two hours ago. "

Smith got up and after a seconds disorientation made his way to the Matrix's Feed display.

* * *

_'It seems that I 'got lucky' that Bane was in love with Neo as well._  
_Bane saw him here ,met Neo once I know he did. _  
_Why does that make me angry ? '_

I blinked as I saw the Code from the outside , looking for Neo's' code first.  
Finding it and seeing that he was with Apoc and someone else .  
Feeling another rush of anger like Apoc was stealing Neo from him.

_'Running around with Apoc. Neo doesn't love Apoc does he ? Or that Lupe person ?_  
_Am I going to have to fight to get Neo's attention ?_  
_I've never felt this before. What is this... is this jealousy? '_


	6. Imagine

**Imagine**

Neo turned slowly looking , feeling again that he was being watched.  
Like the day Cypher betrayed them over six months ago .  
The day Morpheus found out I had betrayed him before I met him , though the attempt to arrest him had failed.

_'Am I getting paranoid ? Ever since I got that message from Ballard , about the Oracle wanting to meet in a few days. Its unnerving and I don't know if it's just that , or since I can't stop wishing Smith was here.'_

I noticed someone looking down , fidgeting slightly I'd only talked to him once.  
_'Why's he look nervous ?'_, on impulse I walked over.

He looked up at me and I froze, breath catching.

_'Those eyes like ice, the sky. So beautiful , so cold._  
_They look like ... just like... Smith's._  
_No , that's' the six hours of sleep talking . your imagining it.'_

* * *

"Are you alright, Neo ? " I shook myself , suddenly feeling embarrassed at staring.

Of course he knows who I am.  
Besides being the One everyone knows from one rumor or another.

" I , I , yeah . It's just for a second you ... its nothing. Bane, right ? "  
The shorter brown-haired man nods , then shifts slighty.

" Neo , I know I do- don't know you. I don't have any right to ask.  
But what do you do with Apoc and Lupe ? "

"Well at least you asked instead of assuming.  
Really its nothing , yet a few people think we're all together."

Bane tilts his head , almost like he wants to ask something.  
I pushed my hair back out of my face.

* * *

Then he asks " Why did you grow your hair out ? "

_' Why did I ? I didn't want to look the same as when my Love was 'killed'._  
_He was gone and I didn't take it well , I just wanted to hide.'_

" I had to change something after I ... came back.  
I don't know how many times I wished I didn't .  
I couldn't look the same too ... too much had changed. "

I bit my lip , I hadn't told anyone that before.  
Now I had spilled it to someone I knew even less about then I had Smith.

Then Bane says " I am sorry , Neo. That can't have been easy."

_' He even sounds like Smith. Stop imagining , it doesn't mean anything._  
_Even if he sounds and looks slightly similar he ISN'T Smith.'_

" It wasn't. " I looked around , away from Bane to see Councilor Hamman walking along.

* * *

The old-man stops at seeing us , then smiles and asks " How are you two ? "

"Good , Councilor. " I couldn't help laughing as Bane and I said it at the same time.

Bane's lips twitched as if he was suppressing a smile.  
Suddenly , I couldn't help liking the Caduceus crewman.

* * *

Hamman says " Nice to see some people can still get along.  
Neo you should know a few ,ah disgruntled men are running around."

"Thanks , Councilor. " I replied as he walks off toward the far end of the cat walk.

Then Bane says " I should be going as well. "

I heard myself say "No... ' before I could think. '..What I mean is , well most likely those guys won't be sober. What floor do you live on ? If it's too high you could just , if you didn't want to risk it .  
You could stay with me for the night. "

I didn't know what made me offer.  
Not because he looked like Smith , but just cause of him.  
I didn't want him to get hurt because of me.

Bane nods , I turned and led him into my place.  
My apartment was a bit bigger then the others on the level.  
I showed him around , suddenly tired I went to my bedroom and slept, Bane'd refused to have my bed.  
A few hours later Neo woke up . The next few days flew by with introducing Bane to Lupe and Apoc.  
Bane seemed to Neo , to like Apoc but not Lupe.  
Then on the fourth day the Neb had to leave , so he could see the Oracle.

* * *

_'I wonder what she's going to say now. Its not as if anything else can go wrong.'_


	7. Advice

**Advice**

"You've changed Neo. "

The One smiled bleakly , tilting his head to look at the ground , closing his eyes.  
_' Let's see I found a few new friends and one reminds me of Smith.  
I'm pushing my feelings for him onto Bane since they look similar._  
_Their eyes , and the same intelligence._  
_The same type of humor he would've had .'_

* * *

I re-opened my eyes.

" I don't how I changed and I don't know what to do.  
First I meet Lupe who wants to help but doesn't get me.  
Then I meet Bane and he gets me.  
But I'm having so many dreams of what could have been. "

" Maybe you shouldn't worry about the dreams, did you think of that ?."

"No , I didn't. "

I looked up at the 'old woman' , sitting on the bench and behind me at Seraph.  
They had both endured as much as Smith had , they were still here.  
Why couldn't Smith have done the same ?

I sat down beside her.  
She puts a hand on my shoulder , before turning my head to her.

"If your worried about what could happen , do you remember at the Captains' Meeting a week ago?"

"Of course , can I stop it ?"

_'I've got to find some way to stop some of it. Sure , we've had a week to plan and prepare._  
_But they've had a week to get closer to us. _  
_I can't let Bane get killed because I couldn't stop it.'_

* * *

She ignores the question and says  
" There is someone , a Program who could help end this war. "

"Who ? Where are they ? "

_'How much am I going to have to do ?_  
_Wait, I don't care - I'll do anything if it'll end this._  
_Smith didn't save me so I could let the System win._  
_It's' NOT going to win. '_

"His name is the Keymaker, he can get you to the Source but there's a catch. "

_'Hmm, Always. What is it now ? '_

" Let me guess I've gotta go rescue him or something ?"

"Yes, from a Program called the Merovingian.  
You should try to negotiate with him for the Keymakers' release.  
There's been an appointment booked for tomorrow at 3 O'clock at the Le Vaeri' restaurant."

"If negotiating doesn't work , he'll have some sort of guard for this Keymaker?"

"You really are smart Neo whether you want to be or not.  
What do you say about Were-wolves and Vampires ? "

_'Over a year ago I wouldn't have believed in them.'_

" I'd say they exist and their guarding the Keymaker. "

The Oracle smiles at me.

"Remember the restaurant tomorrow.  
Worry about the Keymaker when it gets to it.  
It really will get better , Neo.  
It'll take a lot and things will happen but it will get better. "

_'If only I could take that advice, but it's not going to work. '_

I got up and started to leave , feeling a shiver down my spine I looked over my shoulder.

* * *

The same illusion of Smith as when I'd rescued Niobe appeared , then it was gone.

_'TWO times! Am I really making it up ? Could I really be that desperate to see him ?_  
_If its' real let him show up tomorrow too. Please ,let him show up tomorrow. '_


	8. Worry

**Worry**

As far as anyone else was concerned it was ' Bane ' that paced along the cat walk.  
Smith was worried about Neo , yes he had seen him in the Matrix briefly.  
But that was FOUR days ago and the Nebuchadnezzar was supposed to return three days ago.

_'No message of any kind , What if Neo got bit by a Vampire or maybe a Werewolf ?_  
_ What if they got trapped by sentinels? '_

* * *

Closing his eyes a sound behind Smith grabbed his nervous attention.  
He spun around grabbing and twisting the reaching arm as he startled.  
I opened my eyes to see Malachi's pained and even more shocked expression.

" Bane calm down. I'm sure Neo is fine.  
You don't need to try to break my arm.  
Ballard wants us , apparently the Council's called a meeting. "

_'This can NOT be good. Stop worrying , maybe a message got thru._  
_ Or maybe their dead ? No, he can't be. _  
_ He was alive four days ago and he's alive NOW._  
_ I KNOW he is. '_

* * *

I let go of Malachi's arm and followed him to the Council's Meeting Room.

The rest of the Hovercraft fleet was already there.  
I glared at Lupe sitting with his Captain , Soren from the Vigilant.  
Even though his attempts didn't work I was angry at his trying to get Neo.

As I moved to sit behind Ballard with our- the Operator Mai ,the blond says  
"Glad you finally showed up Bane , worried yet ? "

Ballard says " Quiet , both of you. "

_' I did not even say anything yet. '_

* * *

The Council Woman in the center of the table says  
" Welcome , I'm sure your all wondering why your here. "

Someone mutters " Probably something about that idiot again. "

I turned to glare around the room , trying to find the person.  
_' If I can find you , you WILL regret that comment one day. Hahahaha. '_

"Regardless of what you think Oni , the Nebuchadnezzar NEEDS to be found.  
They haven't replied to any message sent to them in four days.  
They could be in trouble , will anyone volunteer to look for them ? "

_' Oni, I will destroy you like I will destroy the System._  
_ Soundly and without mercy. Unless I torture you for insulting my Love._  
_ Yes, I think that would work absolutely perfectly. '_

Immediatly Soren says standing up  
" The Vigilant volunteers to look for the Nebuchadnezzar. "

Lupe smirks at me , how I hated that expression when it was not my own.

_' You are not better than me. Ballard better agree , I am not letting Lupe steal Neo._  
_ Even if he does not agree I am sneaking on anyway._  
_ Then I can kill that idiot Lupe if he touches Neo. '_

* * *

Smith leans over Ballard's shoulder and says  
" We have to look for them. Neo did save your life over two weeks ago.  
Pay him back and help him. "

"Shut up Bane. "

He almost sighs in relief as Ballard stands and says

" The Caduceus will join the Vigilant in search for the Nebuchadnezzar. "

* * *

_' I will find you Neo. I made a mistake of not looking for you once, I am not going to repeat it again._  
_When I DO find you , I am going to explain this and apologize for all the pain I caused you.'_


	9. Time

**Time**

_4 days earlier_

Neo looked over at Morpheus and Trinity standing with him in the elevator.

_' One wrong move and we'll all be dead from the explosives. No we're not going to die._  
_This is going to be fine. I wonder if I'll see Smith again today. '_

The elevator 'dinged' open then Trinity , Morpheus and I walked out.  
People moved out of our way as we moved to the fancy reservations podium.  
I followed behind the two slighty older Rebels into the restaurant.

I had to force myself not to stop as suddenly behind an indian man in a white suit.. Smith was there.  
Ice-blue eyes glowing from in a shadowed corner.

I resisted the urge to smile like an idiot and kept a straight _'Heh, straight. ' _face.  
_' I wasn't imagining it. He is real , my Love is back somehow he's back.'_

* * *

We moved down the centre aisle to a table on a raised dias.  
Two programs , one an 'older man ' doubtless the Merovingian.  
His hair was short gray and dark , with tanned skin.  
The other was a ' younger woman' with long black hair and pale skin.

My eyes moved back to that corner automatically after I was done looking at the others.  
Holding in a sigh as I sat on the chair closest to the Merovingian , Morpheus in the middle  
and Trinity the last closest to the ' woman' . Smith had disappeared again , like the other two times.

I tried to force myself to listen to the conversation.  
I kept drifting away from it basically all I heard was "No , Time , Casuality , Time and Effect. "

Along with a lot of what I assumed was French.  
Probably cursing as the two albino guys at the side table kept snickering.  
I didn't like the looks of those two .

_'Looks like we'll be fighting for the Keymaker after all. '_

* * *

A 'second' later the elevator doors were once again opening , but the female program Persephone ?  
was waiting. " Come with me. I'll help you get the Keymaker ... for a price. "

Trinity and I followed Morpheus out of the doors , after the woman into a Mens ? bathroom.  
It was kinda funny that the guy who was in there nearly zippered himself looking at her.  
He left like a slapped dog after she told him to.

She turns around to look at me "You want the Keymaker ? "

I nodded and said " Yes. "

" You would do _anything _I asked to get him ? "

_' I don't like where this is going. Get on and ask what you want already. '_

I just answered "Yes " again , I could tell it annoyed Persephone.

" I want you to kiss me as if you were kissing him.  
I know you loved him , and it was common knowledge that he loved you.  
The love that was strong enough to beat not only what should have been hatred , but death itself.  
My so-called husband hasn't loved me like that in years ,  
I want to remember what it feels like. I want to sample it. "

_' I can't kiss her. I can't. Not when I just found out he's alive. '_

* * *

Suddenly Trinity pulls a pistol and aims it at Persephone.  
" Why don't you sample this instead ? "

Persephone is surprised when she says  
" Why you don't love him ? Not as a lover anyway. "

" I may not but I know Smith wouldn't want you touching Neo.  
I'm just doing what he can't . "

Then Morpheus's voice breaks in " Trinity we NEED the Keymaker. "

He was really directing the words at me.

* * *

I stepped closer to Persephone and managed to give her a short kiss.  
It felt so odd , so wrong to kiss her I couldn't do it the way she wanted.

The program sneers " I'm not risking my life for something as mundane as that kiss.  
I suppose you'll have to find some other way to free the Keymaker. "

_' Damn it. DAMN IT , I don't want to . But we need the Keymaker , Smith will understand._  
_I don't want to kiss her , I have to pretend . No , pretending won't do. '_

I took my shades off , looking through her.  
Trying to fool myself into thinking she was Smith.

The hair wasn't long and black , it was dark brown and short .  
The eyes weren't dark brown/ black , they were impossibly bright icy-sky blue.  
Body wasn't small and soft , it was broader and muscled.

I kissed him putting every second of months of love , hope , despair and frustration into it.

* * *

I pulled back , opening my eyes and as reality set in I was disgusted with myself.

_' I'm sorry , love. I can't believe I just did that. No time in the rest of my life is that happening again._  
_I'm sorry Smith. '_


	10. Found

_Authors' Note:_ Thanks to_ ravenglam_ for Alerting and Favouriting.

I want to apologize for this chapter's taking so long, I had a few computer difficulties.

* * *

**Found**

Also known as Smith's crazy shows up in a temporary chicken obsession

* * *

Smith smirks as Morpheus and Trinity walked into the Oracle's' apartment with Seraph.  
They both stop to stare at him , Trinity says  
" You're alive. Well , Neo's gonna go insane when we find him. ".

" Hopefully , insane with joy and not true insanity. That would be such a waste. "

Morpheus asks " Do you know where Neo is ? "

Smith feels a flash of rage and closes his eyes , resisting the urge to kill them.

_'Of course , I know where Neo is - somehow I can feel Neo's presence in here._  
_I just can't get Neo out by myselves because I can't get in.'_

That the Merovingian can , I turned my head and opened my eyes.

"Yes, I know where he is. He got himself trapped in Mobile Avenue , though I don't know how.  
The only ones who can get in are the Trainman and the Merovingian, otherwise it is useless trying to rescue him. I am not going to leave him trapped there , we just need a way to _convince_ the Merovingian to _let_ him go. If he does not I am going to delete him."

I finished it with a laugh.

* * *

Morpheus and Trinity look at each other , doubting my sanity by the second.  
I glared at them , they looked at the Oracle to see if they should trust me.

"The virus may have made him a bit crazy but it could work. "

_'If you do not stop insulting me with 'crazy' I am going to punch you and then turn you into a chicken.  
I am going crazy , damn it. If only my anger could be as easy to get rid of as chickens._  
_At least Neo is a lot smarter and prettier than a chicken. I need to STOP thinking of chickens._  
_That is it I NEED to kill something tonight. '_

* * *

20 minutes later

I growled as I snapped the Vampire's neck and laughed again.

"Smith , you NEED to stop laughing like a crazy person.  
Neo doesn't like crazy people and we need to find him. "

I glared at her and moved into the real club area.  
Five minutes later Morpheus, Trinity and I were standing in front of the idiotic Merovingian.

"So three days late, you finally show up to rescue your pretty boy , Smith.  
Here I thought you didn't care about him , when I sent my little Vampire to warn you. "

" Shut up and let him go , Merovingian. At least I never cheated on him , like you with your wife. "

* * *

"Really you don't have anything to make me. Unless you want something to happen to Neo. "

I un-holstered my Desert Eagle and leveled it at his wife , letting out a purposely crazy sounding laugh.

" I believe that I do , you give me my Love and yours lives.  
You do not and I will kill her along with ALL the others in this room."

"You can't do that , you don't have enough power too. Your insane. "

_'Oh I have more than enough power to and I will if I have to. I am not leaving him there. '_

" Perhaps , but you are NOT going to stop one of me. Much less two of me. "

* * *

I grabbed one of the guards and copied over him , smirking at myself as both of us turned to look at the Merovingian. Morpheus and Trinity were staring at me , both of me in shock.

Persephone says " Come on my Love. You can see that in both senses love and not he is completely crazy. He **will** kill everyone if it'll get Neo back. It really is romantic in a weird way. "

After we finally got the Trainman's possible location , I started a massive fight.  
Just my copy and I simultaneously punched two random men , once again laughing like crazy.  
"Smith , would you come ON already ? We need to find NEO or did you forget ? "

_'I can do both , stupid Morpheus. If I didn't love Neo I would kill you like a chicken.'_

So leaving my copy to keep fighting , I left with the two Rebels to find my Love.

* * *

Yet another annoying 20 minutes later

_' If this damned train doesn't start moving faster I am going to kill him._  
_I want to see my love , that idiot was starving him for three days._  
_This anxious feeling is getting crazier by the second , I want to see HIM._  
_Kill the damned Trainman , it can't be that hard to do. '_

Finally the tunnel started to end and I had an almost palpable sense of Neo.

I paced to the closest set of doors , watching the station get closer.  
Seeing laying on a bench , the slim black-clad form of my Love.  
I heard myself sigh in relief as the train stopped and the doors opened.

_'I finally found him. No more secrets love, now that I've found you again.'_

* * *

As I walked out , he pushes himself up and blinked slowly.  
He was still half asleep , yawns and gets up disbelief on his face as he walks to meet me.

_' Ah , how could I have worried so much, you look so fragile._  
_So fragile and sweet in Zion , really how can I NOT worry about you._  
_The first time he actually sees me as myself , not Bane._  
_He still thinks I'm a dream , a hallucination.'_

* * *

I stopped two inches away from him , he reaches out a hesitant hand before pulling it back.  
Then he leans in and kisses me hard , fresh memories were better than old ones.

As I memorized the feeling of his lips on mine I ran a hand thru the soft shoulder-length hair.  
He takes my shoulders pulling me up against him.

" I love you, Smith. I wish you could have heard it before."

I just blinked at him it hadn't mattered then , he'd still said it.  
But somehow it meant more now , hearing it for the first time and after missing him for days.  
How beautiful those long-lashed dark eyes were , I couldn't ruin this. I couldn't explain now.

" I love you too, Neo and that doesn't matter. I heard it now. "

He smiles , I'd never seen him smile in the Matrix before. Then again , he'd never had a reason too.  
I ran a hand over his cheek-bone , I stared at him as he stared at me.  
_' How could I ever delude myself into thinking it was a glitch that I loved you.'_

* * *

" Are you two done yet ? I'm late. "  
Caught up in him, I startled and Neo glares over my shoulder at the Trainman's harsh voice.  
He takes my hand and pulls me into the train quickly , glaring at the Trainman all along.

_'Did that homeless idiot do something to my Love ?. Kill him , stupid chicken.'_

Suddenly Neo laughs and asks "Chicken ? Where'd that come from ? "

" I am going crazy , that's where. "

* * *

I pulled him onto the seat , he sighs and curls up beside me.  
"Right, sure. So much better than that damned bench and finally got you.  
Nice , warm. Just don't let crazy chicken wake me up."

I looked up as Trinity made an "Awww. " sound.

_'So far I love this night. Just because of you. '  
_I hummed as he fell asleep, this time on me. I grinned as my copy won the fight in the club.


	11. Guilt

**Guilt**

Neo nods still in disbelief himself and leaned against his bedroom wall.  
Closing his eyes, opening my eyes I turned to look at the door.

I could feel it as Bane stared at me and repeats "Giant... ants ? "

_'I know giant ants, giant ants that kicked my ass. It sounds insane.'_

* * *

" I got beat by freaking _ants_ Bane. Giant ants , vampires and witches.  
I basically got my ass kicked by an insane frenchie.  
Seriously after I beat them, I'd got thrown all the way to the beginning.  
And then I'd have to do it all over."

Bane says "Well, Neo at least they were Giant ants and not regular ones.  
Now that would have embarassd you. "

_'Okay that's a bit creepy. That's nearly exactly what Smith said before I left._  
_Why'd I have to leave him ? First time I see him in apparently three days or so._  
_The first time I actually tell him I love him out loud and I had to leave right away.'_

I sighed and moved to sit beside the older Rebel.

The words that came out were unsurprisingly bitter

"I know but still ants. Witches and vampires sure but mutant ants so not fair.  
Then when I finally got out of that damned train station I had to leave.  
I tried who knows how many times to get out and it didn't work.  
I thought I was going crazy until they showed up. "

* * *

Bane puts a hand on my shoulder , I was suddenly uncomfortable.  
Smith was back and I didn't know what to do anymore.

_'My love is back but the feelings for Bane are still there._  
_I didn't have time to tell Smith about Bane. I didn't want to._  
_I was too amazed he was back to. At least I should've mentioned it.'_

The blue-eyed man starts to say " Neo there's something I ... "  
Bane gets interrupted by a knock on the door , Apoc opens it.

* * *

My older friend looked worried as he says

"The Squiddies are acting weird. We don't know why but it can't be good.  
There's a lot of them and just out of range. You and me, Neo, we're on Patrol duty."

I got up and as I started to walk out Bane says

" I'll come with you. I need something to do anyway."

I stopped and turned back to him suddenly worried

"Shouldn't you ask Ballard first ? I mean what if something happens ?"

Bane doesn't answer , walking with us and we got the EMP rifles out.

* * *

Turned out Ballard himself was waiting outside with Malachi and Trinity.

The Caduceus Captain says "Good , Bane you , Trinity and Neo take the Cad's strays.  
It's just until the EMP's are fully charged , shouldn't take too long.  
Apoc and I will stay here , Malachi'll be our spotter if more Squiddies are coming this way.  
Either one of you or Trinity will have to decide for yourselves. "

_'Since I stopped those other Squiddies do I need this ?_  
_Do I really need a rifle ? But I don't want to freak Bane out.'_

Bane and I walked along the rock strewn ridge in silence till we got to the Caduceus.  
Trinity followed behind us a few feet back , we were all tense.  
At the edge of the far tunnel I could sense the Squiddies.  
A few hours ago Bane had looked nervous as hell when I got out.  
Then he tries to tell me something and gets interrupted.

* * *

I turned to look at the brown-haired man , "Are you alright Bane ? "

He shakes his head saying

"It doesn't matter Neo. I'll go and check on Ballard."

Before I could say a word he walks off and then the Squiddies moved.  
They were flying towards the Caduceus , Trinity and I.

I tried to gather that energy from days ago , how had I done it.  
Suddenly I noticed the EMP energy around my hands from the rifle.  
I dropped it in shock and then threw my hand out.  
The white-blue energy rushed away from me and slammed into the Squiddies.

Most of them fell to the ground as I felt the energy pick up.  
I _knew _the other EMP's were ready now as I fell down.

* * *

I got up as I heard Malachi shout "BANE."

_'What happened ? What happened is he alright ? '_

Running and falling multiple times as the EMP's went off.  
Getting to the Neb seemed to take an eternity.

_'No. No. He can't. '_

Blue eyes were closed as I looked at him.  
I couldn't see any blood , maybe...

I knelt beside him "Bane. Bane wake up."

I heard Trinity's voice dimly  
"Neo , Bane's dead. Ballard and Malachi saw it."

* * *

_'He's dead ? I get Smith back , then I lose a friend. _  
_Why ? H-How is that fair ?  
Besides Apoc , Bane got me. I should have helped him.  
I should have asked him before we left my room.'_

Bane's dead. My fault , all my fault.  
Feeling guilty even though he said I shouldn't if something happened.  
_'What use am I being the One if I can't save ANY one ? If bloody ants can beat me ? '_


End file.
